There’s an isolation we don’t talk about when you are someone who is no longer following the rules. Someone who has either chosen, or been forced, into that role. Being fully aware of “the rules” but no longer being able to follow them.
It can be incredibly isolating. You are bearing witness to all this stuff that is going on. It is so painful to watch and no-one else around you seems to notice.
Even if you wanted to, you can’t reengage with it. You can see the pain it causes now. You recognise that you have been part of it in the past, so you’ve been a part of causing that pain too.
It’s a huge responsibility. It’s activism. No wonder it’s exhausting. Especially when you’ve been conditioned to follow the rules all your life, and now you have to spend all your time breaking them. Upsetting people, fighting for what’s right, saying what needs to be said, challenging long held beliefs and practices. Questioning things most people have never thought to question. We become ‘difficult’. Most of us become ‘difficult women’.
In order to be the parents we need to be for our kids. In order for our kids to get what they need. In order for our kids to be safe.
But we have each other. And we have the gift of sight our children have given us, and the freedom that goes with it. We don’t have to be blinkered anymore. We can see it all. We can be free of those rules together.
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Image Credit: Tim Foster @ Unsplash
Image Description: A lone kayaker navigates the dark blue black water with their paddle. The bright yellow of the kayak is in sharp contrast to the colour of the water. Ripples run across the water and the trail left behind by the kayak shows the effort that is required to keep moving it forward.
