A lesson I needed to relearn today.
We have a tendency to speed things up when we, or others, are in distress. To get things over with as quickly as possible, for the uncomfortable thing to have passed and the issue to be resolved.
This is particularly true with our young people. When they are finding something distressing, we are often encouraged to get the thing done as quickly as possible – the drop off, the teeth clean, the bath, the homework.
The problem with doing things quickly is there is no time to process. Particularly for our young neurodivergent people. Pushing through the thing causing stress at speed often exacerbates the issue because now we are adding layers of unprocessed emotion and perception to the issue – which begins to feel more and more unsafe. Some young people will baulk, others will fawn, but the damage will be done either way.
Taking time, and slowing down (even to a stop, be it for a day, a month, a year or forever) allows for processing.
Sensory processing.
Emotional processing.
Relational processing.
Cognitive processing.
The opportunity to actually feel safe doing the thing that feels unsafe.
Slow it down, don’t speed it up.
Acknowledge and be present in the discomfort.
Co-process and co-regulate together.
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Image credit: Magda Vrabetz @ Unsplash
Image description: A close up of a snail with a tortoiseshell coloured shell, climbing up a deep green leaf.
